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Mattias Andersson

My life has always revolved around self-improvement. Study harder, read longer books, swim faster, tell greater stories, be a better friend. A constant need to control my actions. Throughout the years I have learned to deal with minor failure, slight slip-ups. But how to deal with the things I cannot control? With life’s fundamentally uncontrollable conditions? 

When I was younger, my solution was to believe my own lies. Long-winded, complicated lies I wove in and out of each other. The base lies were always the same: that I am not gay, that I am not alone, that I am not afraid to go home. Now that I am an adult, I use my art. I get infinite redoes, I can say the things I didn’t dare to or couldn’t voice, I get to place blame and poke fun at my overly serious self.  

After my grandmother died of Alzheimer’s I was sure I could see the early signs thereof in my mother. My sister and I tried to convince her to get tested for it, but she refused. I thought, “Singing is the highway to the heart,” so I wrote a song and created a room full of artworks for her, each an argument and a warning. She wasn’t fazed. After that, I promised myself never to make art for anyone but myself.  

But that is a promise I have failed time and again. Because every uncontrollable condition is linked to someone or something outside of myself. I fell in love with my straight best friend, the world and I went into lockdown, I am my father’s son and then my father died. So when I address my performances, when I sing, show videos and objects in space, they are for me—but to you. 

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HEAVENLY FATHER: Room for Parting–Bloodline’s End (2023) Glass and metal table, glass fridge shelves, globe mount, three floating candles in drinking glasses, dried shrub in empty perfume bottle and postcard in acrylic display
HEAVENLY FATHER: Room for Parting–Bloodline’s End (2023) Performance video, grieving table, light installation and room scent, 7 min
HEAVENLY FATHER: Room for Parting–Bloodline’s End (2023) Rainbow window film, and reflector lamp
HEAVENLY FATHER: Room for Parting–Bloodline’s End (2023) Performance video, 7 min